my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
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I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
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I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
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