she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
