i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
Randomize
