you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
Randomize
