I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize
