dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Randomize
