I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
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