"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize
