you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
