i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
