OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
I don't think your that much of a whore. your like a whore-let. a mini whore.
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
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