everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize
