There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
