i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
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