i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
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