well you can't waste a boner
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
Randomize
