his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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