Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
Randomize
