just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
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