On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
he shaved USA in his pubs
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
I AM VODKA MAN
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
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