Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize