He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Randomize
