Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
operation harelip BJ is a go
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
I believe in your delicious
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
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