your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Randomize
