I am puke
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
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