I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Randomize
