As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
Dear god my vagina.
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
