nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Randomize
