I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Randomize
