I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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