We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
