you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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