genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
Randomize
