I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
I need to align my fucking chakras
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Randomize
