Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
Randomize
