When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
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