Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
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