This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
My girlfriend figured out who you are.
when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Randomize
