I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
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