I wish I could punch you in the face.
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
Randomize
