So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
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