Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
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