I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
