When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
Randomize
