You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
Randomize
