Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
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