so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
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