You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
What drink are we having for lunch?
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
