he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
Randomize
