That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
Randomize
