Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
Randomize
