Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
