I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
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