And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Randomize
