he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
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