Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
Randomize
