drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
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