I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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