Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
Randomize
