I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
Randomize
