you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
Randomize
