fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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