Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
Randomize
