Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
Randomize
