come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
Randomize
