My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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