Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Randomize
