tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
Randomize
