great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
Randomize
