i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
Randomize
