people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
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