Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
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