Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
Randomize
